Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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