well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just blew my weed a kiss
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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