got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
