when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
