from now on my penis is your penis
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
