So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize