i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
