There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
