we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
