capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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