The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
