I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
