The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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