My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
