i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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