i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
