yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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