She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
