And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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