Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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