i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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