I want to have your abortion
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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