pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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