while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
