i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
