I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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