go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
