im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
