I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
