Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
