when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
