I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
