Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
