just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize