did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
