Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
