her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
