I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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