i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
