I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
