He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
