Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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