i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Shame - the story of my life.
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