FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
