The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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