It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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