I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am available for nakedness
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
