i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she pinky promised me she was 18
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
