Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
