she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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