is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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