You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
