lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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