Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
