Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
