Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
