Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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