There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
