it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
