Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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