non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
