Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
