he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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