I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
