I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
