My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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