Your face is a jimmy john
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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