Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
