I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
