I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
