I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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