You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
